Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
