I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
