We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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