He kissed a someone with a penis
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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