Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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