im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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