Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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