I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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