were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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