Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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