there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
