Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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