Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
