When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
