96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
