peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
