i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
