I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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