Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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