just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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