It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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