You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
