I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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