when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
