her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
