I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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