i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
