Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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