You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
