I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
