I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
