I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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