I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
