So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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