A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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