Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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