took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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