Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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