I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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