You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
