She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
