he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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