none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
