Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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