"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
