It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
