the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize