So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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