I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
