I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
