Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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