In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize