for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
