There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
