i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
