I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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