WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
