I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
