She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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