I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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